i would totally vote for me

since i've been asked by exactly zero people, i thought i'd type up a lil' old election day entry.

starting at the age when i was first aware of the two political parties here in the US (middle school, probably) and up well into my 20's, i was mainly a republican.  obviously as a youngster, you don't put a lot of thought into it and sorta latch onto a party based on your perception of those you know who "represent" that party in your mind.  for example, if you really look up to your dad and he's a staunch republican, there's a good chance you're going to lean that way, in my opinion, which is based on no facts whatsoever.

my reasons were always along the lines of (1) 'merica kicks ass around the globe; let's have an aggressive foreign policy and a massive military budget, (2) welfare is for losers and we shouldn't be protecting "those people" because they're only poor because they're lazy, and (3) i don't want to pay more taxes.

sadly, i think this encompasses a large portion of the republican base today.  the genius move the republicans did was to brand their party as the party of jesus.  without this, you'd never have backwoods rednecks voting alongside CEOs.  the republicans managed to package guns, jesus, and kicking ass abroad (southern voters) with lower taxes (the wealthy) and this has served them well in many elections.

this is also where i started my split from the party.  much to the dismay of many republican leaders (hi, santorum), our country maintains the idea of a separation of church and state; a separation that is very gray in a lot of areas (think "in god we trust" on our money, or the fact that it is still legal to discriminate based on what your religion tells you is wrong). 

it has always struck me as odd that the same people who identify themselves as christian are usually the same ones against things like universal healthcare, welfare spending, or taxes used to pay for those things.  christians should honestly ask themselves what jesus (pretending he existed here) would think about denying healthcare to someone.  did jesus tell the lepers to go eat a bag of dicks when they needed his help?  did he tell them to go get a job and stop fucking whining?

the bible flat out states in matthew 19:24 that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.  that must be one of those parts that we're free to ignore at our choosing, like every other "law" in leviticus other than that which condemns those nasty fags.

i have a lot of problems with the democrats too.  i don't believe we can tax ourselves to prosperity and i don't like using the tax system as a means to redistribute wealth.  i think the government is too bloated and the democrats, in my opinion, are more to blame on this one.  i'm also as conservative as they come when it comes to the issue of crime.

having said all that, i'm fully aware that there will never be a candidate for president that agrees with me, or at least not one that can voice the same opinions and still have a chance to get elected.  so i'm announcing that i'll be running for president in 2016.  i don't have a party name yet, but my positions are summarized below:

1. taxes - tax cuts for the middle class.  these are people who will spend it if they get it, which is what we need.  the balancing figure, to avoid further deficits, is to tax capital gains at the same rate as income.  if you make over $250K in capital gains, you get taxed as though you earned that money as salary.  same goes for $10K in capital gains.  no differing tax rates depending on the source of income.  this leads into point number 2, which could really be 1A:
2. drugs and prostitution - marijuana and prostitution are now legal and taxed.  the numbers i've seen suggest the weed part would save $7.7 billion in gov't expenditure on enforcement of prohibition and $6.2 billion if weed were taxed like cigarettes.  no idea on the prostitution part, but money aside, why is it illegal now?  it's legal to buy things and legal to have sex, but not legal to buy sex?  tax it and regulate it.
3. health care -  i do not like the gov't mandate that everyone has to buy health insurance, even though i understand that we, as tax payers, carry the burden of uninsured people using the ER as a primary care doctor.  i think if healthcare were more affordable, this would drop.  additionally, it's unconscionable to me that in a nation as wealthy as ours, that we can deny coverage to someone with a pre-existing condition.  again, considering it is mostly republicans against this one, take your own advice and ask What Would Jesus Do about giving healthcare to the poor.  so, no mandate, but insurers cannot deny coverage for pre-existing conditions and healthcare for those below the poverty line will be subsidized.  my new taxes above will pay for this.
4. civil rights - it makes me want to bash my head into the wall that we even have to spell this out, but every person has the same civil rights under my administration, regardless of what someone else's magic man in the sky tells them.  churches can continue to deny weddings to anyone they want, but the state must allow anyone to choose a domestic partner and have that partner receive the same benefits as anyone else.  if you disagree with this, i hope you have a gay child who gets gay "married" and then is denied health coverage and/or hospital visiting rights when their spouse is deathly ill.  and also, fuck you, you bigot.
5. abortion/birth control - legal.  an acorn is not an oak tree and a clump of cells is not a baby.  also, if you're a pharmacist, you have to fill a prescription for birth control.  if you don't like it, become a priest or any other profession.   
6. balanced budget - this would be ensured to happen by my new law that if an unbalanced budget is submitted in any year, all congressional members, including the president, are not eligible to run in the next election.

i think that's probably enough policy talk for the day.  no need to get into foreign policy since by and large the two parties mostly agree on that topic. 

so stay tuned.  i'll start running ads in the fall of 2015.  if you're lucky, i'll hit your hometown during my whistle-stop tour.

happy election day.