if you haven't heard by now, brett favre allegedly sent a bunch of voicemails and pics of his willy to a (NSFW) hot piece of tail named jenn sterger, who was working for the jets at the time. she had been "discovered" by tv cameras at a florida state game a few years prior and had turned her jaw dropping T&A into a semi career.
i'd like to take a moment and consider a meeting of john madden, jon gruden, and peter king as they consider favre's lil viking/packer/jet. attributes of peter king are blatantly stolen from kissy suzy kolber, the best sports/humor site on the internetz.
INT. DAYTIME. A TELEVISION PRE-PRODUCTION MEETING.
JOHN MADDEN, JON GRUDEN, and PETER KING are gathered around a computer screen. we can see pictures of what appears to be a nude man holding his penis.
JOHN MADDEN - what can you say about brettfaaarve's cock? i mean, he's gotta, he's gotta BOOM, and then favre, he BOOM, and argh argh garble wharble FAAAARVECOCK! (eats entire turducken in one bite)
JON GRUDEN - (smiling in a way that makes it look like fire ants are biting his crotch) you're right john, here's a cock that just comes out and plays for the love of the game. i mean, this cock, it just plain has fun out there. i call it spongecock farvepants, because it's just so much joy to watch it play.
PETER KING - (salivating and rubbing the crotch area of his pleated 100% cotton dockers) hooo-boy. if they sold those at starbucks, with maybe some ginger or cinnamon, i'd take an ocean crossing train all the way from montclair to china. lofty cock. flaccid cock.
MADDEN - and then FAAAAAARVE.....it's like he's drawing up cock pics in the dirt out there. just like when you were a BOOOM little kid, showing your wanger to the neighborhood girls. FAAAARVE is just out there laughing it up and making people feel extremely awkward by flashing the FAAARVECOCK. (drinks vat of bbq sauce) DIRT, BLOOD, BOOM!
GRUDEN - (clenching jaw and smiling like a guy holding back a huge double tapered shit) here's a cock who puts in the hours. when he's not pissing or getting morning wood, he's watching film. this cock is a cock who is a real student of sexual harassment. i call him slappy the harrassing clowncock. this cock just knows how to get it done.
KING - the last time i talked to favre, which was in reality 6 weeks ago, but was in my head just about 30 seconds ago while i hummed on his taint and injected snickers flavored coffee into his cock just so he'd piss it out on me, he said there was a 60% chance that he'd show his cock again next season. but that is a legit 60% chance. and i should know, as i have a phd in favrecock 101, favrecock for beginners. (rubs empty coffee cup on his crotch)
MADDEN - BOOM! FAAAAAARVE!
GRUDEN - this guy, here's a guy, this guy, here's a guy, this guy, here's a guy...
KING - gruden is stuck again, someone hit him.
MADDEN - (smacks gruden) BOOM! how was that, pat summerall?
KING - i'm not pat, john. but you know, favre's cock is really quasi-lebronish, in that it was physically mature beyond it's years when he first came in the league. tasted like coffee flavored eggnog served in first class after you've waddled through a half marathon. he really built that cock up while working the land and living off the land, much like jack palance's character from "young guns", who was a land baron.
GRUDEN - so like i was saying, jaws, this cock is fearsome. the other cocks on the team really look up to it. here's a cock that makes you lose sleep. i call it the nightmarephallus.
MADDEN - sorry guys, gotta go get on my bus. BOOM! (burps fire)
KING - (pants straining as he cannot look away from the pics). yeah, i need to get going too. where's my flash drive? i just remembered i needed to get a few things off of this computer.
GRUDEN - here's a computer that has a usb port. i mean, this computer, it will go the extra mile to let you save files. i call it the.....
KING - could you please just leave me alone for a minute, jon? i have to call favre. mmmmm favre, oh yes favre.
GRUDEN EXITS AND KING EJACULATES ALL OVER THE MONITOR.
END
