Guy in a Bear Suit

important notice

and now greg giraldo is dead too?

first robert schimmel and now greg giraldo.  he died yesterday of an accidental prescription drug overdose.  i always thought he was one of the best on the comedy central roasts.  just brutal and not afraid to be controversial. 

i first heard of him when he emceed a national sales meeting at the company i used to work for.  he was pretty tame in that corporate environment, but he did make his digs at some of our products. 

here's a clip from his recent roast of david hasselhoff.  the sound is bad, as it sounds like someone taped it off their tv while vacuuming in the background, but you can still hear it.

and oh yeah, tony curtis too. but he was old, so it doesn't really count. plus he fathered a hermaphrodite, so there's that.

study about religion is not shocking in the least

this study showed that atheists and agnostics scored highest on a quiz about the bible, world religions, and what the US constitution says about religion in public life.

and the result that amuses me the most?  bible-belt southerners scored the lowest.  ha bloody ha.  not sure if there was a question about jesus riding a dinosaur, but i bet they'd miss that one if there was.

the reason one of the researchers gave for the non believers doing so well is that they (we) had thought more about the subject.  funny how those that thought less about it (christians) are generally the biggest proponents and also those most likely to judge others based on what they presume jesus wants them to do.  "it's in the bible, y'all, jesus hates faggots".

so study up, southern baptists, you might one day catch up to the godless heathens.

if the tea party took over the comics

sourced from the boston globe

 

just a few links

this is a really good gq article about the making and behind the scenes of goodfellas. 

funny article listing (and including the music of) the 100 worst songs of all time.  i never heard of #1, but there are some pretty funny ones on there.  i strenuously object to michael jackson being on the list.

  

tourette's karaoke

the next time i do karaoke, i'm doing it exactly like this guy.

country music has changed

my parents used to listen to the oak ridge boys.  i can remember riding around in my mom's car as a kid and it seemed like every 10th song on KPLEX (local country station) was "elvira". 

not sure what made me think of them, but i found the gem below on youtube.

holy shitkickers batman, look at this crew.  it's like they're all dressed up for a costume party, with not a care in the world about what look the rest of the band is trying to achieve.

the dude on the left is clearly the model for john oates and bababooey, and may be the inspiration for the uncle julio's sign here in dfw.

he's wearing what appears to be a satin warm-up jacket with a tie.  have yourself a nice long look at those choppers too.  boy howdy, he's got a face made for radio.

the 2nd dude from the left is easily the coolest of the bunch.  he's like a cross between kenny rogers and barry gibb.  i'm pretty sure he smelled like vitalis V7 hair tonic and brut (by faberge).  i'm also pretty sure he was the guy in the band that snorted rails off of hookers asses and owned several medallion necklaces that would rest gently in his downy thatch of chest hair.  and is he rocking a corduroy suit too?  i wanna party with you, cowboy. 

3rd guy, what in the ever loving fuck?  why is he onstage?  shouldn't he be out setting traps and trading fox pelts for supplies to last through the winter?  obviously daniel boone found doc brown's time machine and ended up singing four part harmonies in the 70s and 80s.  and nice beard, general longstreet, goes well with general custer's boots you have on.  he also doesn't appear to know what to do with his hands and arms, as he just swings them awkwardly about, with no rhythm whatsoever.

now, the guy on the right is where it's at.  that deep voice that could vibrate women right out of their full back panties coupled with the car dealership finance guy/80s stand-up comic look is enough by itself.  then add in that he probably had balls the size of rosie o'donnell's head to produce those low notes, and you've got yourself a sex god.  i really like how he strikes the exact same pose every time it's his turn to sing alone.  for the best viewing experience, watch only this guy every time they use a shot that includes all four.  he's really living it up on stage.  i would bet my life that he used aqua velva aftershave and told chicks, "ba-oom papa oom papa mow mow" as a pickup line.

good to see whatever country awards show this was decided to plant one black guy.  you know, cause the country music set totally isn't racist.  they have a black best friend!

you can keep your kenny chesney and brad paisley; these guys are the cat's meow.

hypothetical friday

just a couple of hypothetical questions i asked of a friend of mine and decided to expand into a full post.

feel free to answer in the comments.

would you rather...

(1) walk in on your mom masturbating or find gay porn on your dad's laptop?

(2) get a paper cut inside your peeslit (if male)/ clit (if female) or place the tip of a knitting needle under your big toenail and then kick a wall?

(3) never have any sort of sexual contact with another person ever again, but still be able to jerk off, or have any sexual relationship you could otherwise have, but not be able to orgasm?

(4) have a bunch of money during your working career, but die as soon as you retired, or be poor during your career, but have enough saved to have a comfortable retirement of 20 years?

(5) have the head of an eagle on your own body or your own head on the body of an eagle?

(6) have your favorite sports team win 3 titles in a row and then finish in last for the rest of your life, or be a high quality team year in and year out, but never win a title?

whoa, fella

i can't decide if i want to compare this guy to a professional wrestler or to rob riggle's character from "stepbrothers" (IT'S THE CATALINA FUCKING WINE MIXER!  POWPOW!)

"i tell you what else, kevin von erich, come saturday night, i'm gonna whip you like yer daddy shoulda".

RIP robert schimmel

this guy was always one of my favorite comics.  i think i first saw him on rodney dangerfield's "young comedians special" back in the 80s.  then later, he was always on howard stern when i used to listen in college.

he got in a car accident on august 26 and died of his injuries on sept. 3.

he was one funny motherfucker.