so the goddamn cockwallet fuckbag yankees are about to trade for the pitcher cliff lee. they're supposedly giving up a really top notch first base/catcher named jesus montero, as well as a few other prospects.
now for most teams this would be a really risky move, given that lee's contract is up at the end of the year. he'd basically be a rent-a-player for the next few months and then would either require more money when it was time to re-sign or would just leave to another bidder while the yankees were left without those prospects. teams do this all the time to "get over the hump". sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
here's the part that ruins baseball for me: if jesus montero turns out to be the 2nd coming of babe ruth, the yankees will just go out and buy him away from the mariners. and if it costs $8 billion to keep lee, they'll do that too. and if they make the playoffs and some player on the other team hits 4 homers off of them or pitches a no hitter against them, they'll just go out and buy that player the following year. the yankees' 2010 opening day payroll was $206M. the pittsburgh pirates' was $35M. almost six fucking times smaller. no other major sport allows their playing field to be so unbalanced. alex rodriguez, the phony, steroid-chomping, no clutch antichrist, makes $33M this year alone. that's $2M less than the entire fucking team up there in pittsburgh.
i know, i know, it's capitalism and if your team is lucky enough to have an owner who can afford it, then bully for you. but with that large of a disparity between the haves and the have-nots, it's like the university of texas playing against a 7th grade PE class.
go eat a hot bag of dicks, yankees. fuck the yankees. fuck them long and fuck them deep. and when you're done fucking them, fuck them some more. in their pinstriped ear. and once you've shot that load, go fuck the red sox too.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
is there anything out there as annoying as "facebook girls"? facebook girls are the ones that post every single detail of their lives or every stupid fucking thought they have on facebook. and pictures. oh the thousands of pictures. the two kinds that annoy me the most are (1) the older, cougarish "woo girls" (you know, the typically hot ones that travel in packs and will go "WOOO" at random times in bars and have most likely been featured or belong on hot chicks with douchebags), and (2) teenagers.
woo girls will update every night (every single fucking night) about what bar/club/event they're attending. uptown dallas has a FUCK. TON. of these. post examples are "woo, at the W with my girls", or "martinis at lemon bar", or "girls night out at trustfunddouchebag grill". i'm mostly convinced that these girls only go out as a photo op for facebook. they'll spend a few hours at a restaurant or bar and more pictures will show up online than minutes they were there.
woo girls love to be in bikinis. they like to go to pool parties and stand in lukewarm water with 800 other people, all wearing ridiculously oversized sunglasses and holding red cups. for every one woo girl, there will be eighteen doucher guys with tribal tattoos pointing at their own abs. then they will all comment on each other's pictures, telling their BFFs how beautiful and hot they look in the picture. and then they will tell you where they're having breakfast, lunch, dinner and drinks the following night. if you wanted to stalk one of these girls and eventually chain her to the pipes in the crawlspace under your house, it wouldn't be too hard to find her, as she's out every single night and tells you exactly where.
however, woo girls are hot and i like girls in bikinis, so i'm probably part of the problem.
teen girls. where the fuck to start? "OMG, i'm stuck at my uncle's funeral....texxxxxxttttt meeeeeeeee <3" they list their girl friends as siblings, their best male friends as "husband", and once they get caught cheating in a relationship, they change that status to "it's complicated". aNd tYpInG ShIt lIke ThIs makes me want to stab someone in the face with a screwdriver.
teen girls like to post angsty song lyrics as their status updates because they think it makes them look deeper. they like to make that stupid fucking duck kissy face while looking up in every picture. then they like to comment on said picture, "LOL i look soooooo terrible here". teen girls like to think that when someone doesn't like them it's only because they're jealous and "haters". paris hilton is mainly to blame for this one. paris hilton is a role model to teen girls, even though the only thing she ever accomplished was to slither out of her mom's vagina and be given the last name "hilton" and all that comes with that.
teen girls like to talk about hating "the drama" and then go give someone else's boyfriend head in the backseat of the $30K car daddy bought them. teen girls will update and/or text every single step of every journey each day. "getting ready for work, hit me up". "driving to work, text meeeee". "at work, sooooooo fucking boring". "about to leave work, call my cell, you know who you are". "at so and so's house, justin bieber is BEEEAAAST".
the last time a teen girl looked up from her phone and spoke to someone face to face was june of 2005.
fucking facebook girls. sometimes the world doesn't need to know every little bit. and sometimes it's ok to leave the camera home or stay in for the night.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i spend a lot of time and energy talking about things that annoy me. so to balance it out, here are some annoying things about me.
- i'm a whistler. i'll even throw some hardcore fucking vibratto in there. i know for a fact that 90% of the world hates whistlers. no one has ever said anything to me, but i can tell.
- i'm a know-it-all. well duh, right? or wait, "i know, right?" i know a little about a lot of things and a lot about a few things, but i'll talk about all of it if you'll let me. i will typically let you know if i'm guessing on something, but i will cliff clavin the shit out of a topic now and then.
- when i'm drunk with friends, i will always talk about working out. how much you bench, how much i bench, how fast you run, what you squat. if i've cornered you on this topic, sorry.
- i use too many commas when i write.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i like it at work when guys wear their badges clipped to the waist of their pants. then when they're shitting in the stall next to me and their pants are gathered around their feet on the floor, i know who is responsible for the horrendous sounds and smells emanating from over there. it creeps me out when dudes let that much of their pants touch the floor anyway. you're basically marinating your pleated and cuffed dockers in piss there, swifty.
speaking of shitting in public restrooms, which is an all time favorite topic of mine, i can never decide the best way to breathe when some asshole has wrecked shop and won't have the goddamn decency to give us a courtesy flush. if you breathe through your nose, you get all the smell. but if you breathe through your mouth, it's like you're eating and tasting the scent. fucking vile. i'm not above burying my nose and mouth in my undershirt in that situation.
sorry to be so all over the place today, i just had a lot on my mind. if you made it this far, tip of the cap to you.
and go fuck the yankees with the hull of the titanic.