Guy in a Bear Suit

hodgepodge

i was venting on facebook about how annoyed i get at middle aged women who get all dewy over "twilight" when i realized i had a few more thoughts on the matter that would be better laid out over here on this site. 

now granted, i haven't read one word of the books, nor have i seen one minute of the movies.  anything i know i have learned from hearing others talk about it or from seeing something in entertainment weekly, which probably should change its name to "goddamn faggoty vampires and bitchy cunt-looking girls who never smile on the cover every other week".

having gotten that disclaimer out of the way, here's my fundamental argument with the whole concept: bella is a teenager. 

vampires are usually really old right?  so why on earth would a guy with hundreds or thousands of years of wisdom, life (or undead) experience, and patience want to spend any time with a fucking teenage girl?  teen girls are the most annoying demographic on the planet.  bella would probably meet edward on monday and then change her facebook status to "married" and refer to edward as her husband by tuesday.  she'd send 10,000 texts to him, even as he was sitting right next to her, admiring his sparkly cold abs, and she'd fill her status updates with "OMG loveeeeee edward <3".

if i were a vampire or a jailbait werewolf, even with my limited maturity, and i had to spend more than ten minutes talking with a teen girl, i'd be looking for the nearest wooden stake or silver bullet.

and yeah, the fact that so many women who are my age are into this is baffling to me.  if i went on and on about icarly or some other underage twat, chris hanson would be looking for me and people would defriend me for being creepy.  move on ladies.  throw a cucumber in the freezer for an hour and then use it to fuck yourself while pretending it's edward.  get it out of your system.  there are plenty of grown up books out there for you to read. 

next topic.

i've gotten a few email/fb message questions over the last month or so regarding what i listen to when i work out.  i listen to all kinds of stuff when i lift weights.  usually rap or angry rock like guns n roses or motley crue. 

but when i run, i have a specific playlist that i use to keep me going.  here are some of the songs i'm using right now:

1. gangster tripping - fatboy slim
2. straight outta compton - nwa
3. walk away - kelly clarkson. yeah, i know, kelly clarkson. fuck you. i found the video for this because i used to know her brother in high school and he's in the video. the song has a pretty pumped up chorus if you can ignore the fact that an american idol winner is singing it.
4. welcome to the jungle - gnr
5. hypnotize - notorious BIG
6. i want you to - weezer
7. welcome to the terrordome - public enemy
8. wicked - ice cube
9. #1 - nelly
10. yeah - usher
11. hit 'em up - 2pac
12. peacemaker - green day
13. love buzz - nirvana
14. all my life - foo fighters

there are others and the order changes all the time, but i've been using a combination of those lately.  i've been really into interval running, where you go slow for a minute then haul ass for a minute and those songs help me to push through the 10 mph phases. 

the vacation went well.  we made all of our flights just fine and there were no major meltdowns on the plane.  of course hudson had his share of personal issues while we were there, such as wanting to take his stuffed puppy and bear down to the beach/pool every morning, which we wouldn't let him do.  this resulted in a 10 minute fit each morning we were there.  and we had to carry him everywhere.  it was about 94 degrees with 206% humidity, so carrying a toddler across a giant resort wasn't the most fun thing i've ever done. 

but nevertheless, we had a good time.  the boys liked to collect seashells on the beach and ride the tubes down something called "the rapids".  they also loved the breakfast buffet.  i would have preferred to sleep more, but i guess that's what you sign up for when you take the yung'ins. 

my younger sister and her husband had their 2nd baby while we were on vacation.  his name is silas wolfgang lebel and he was 8 lbs 10 oz, born on june 17.  congrats to mom, dad, and big sister elliot.  i think that birthweight is a record of some sort because my sister only weighs 28 lbs. 

happy upcoming 4th of july everyone. 

one does not simply eat twinkies into mordor

cowboy hip hop cowboy hip hop cowboy hip hop

if i saw this going down in a public place, i would violently assault with a claw hammer the people doing it .  well, i'm sure i'd never frequent a place where this was even an option, but still.

i like how the dudes feel the need to hold on to their giant belt buckles while getting funky.  the bowlegged magic 8 ball guy is far and away my favorite. 

you know what step is missing?  the brooks & dunn kickstep.

as always with this fucking blog, if you don't want the right side of the video cut off, click on it to open in a 2nd window.

in honor of father's day

Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

she was asking for it, brah

now this poor, poor frog knows what it's like to be a sorority girl at tcu.

reasons our vacation might suck

we're taking the boys on their first beach vacation next week when we go to atlantis in the bahamas. 

my mother in-law is house sitting, so our dog is in fine spirits as well.

but today we found out about a few wrinkles in our travel plans.  here are a few reasons why the trip might get off to a shitty start:

1. our seats are not confirmed on our flight from dfw to miami.  this is because atlantis failed to tell us that we had to manually go online and do this.  i guess that's what we get for not booking through american airlines.  because airlines overbook as a normal practice, we're worried we might get bumped.
2. even if we get on the flight, our seats are most likely not going to be together.  neither the six year-old nor the three year-old will be happy sitting alone, so i'm going to have to beg/plead/bribe two people to give up their seats so at least we can be two and two.
3. even if we get on the flight and get seats together, we will almost certainly miss our connection from miami to the bahamas.  we have 40 minutes from landing time to departure time.  my experience with flight delays and the horribly laid out miami airport suggests that we will need to run like a pre murdering OJ through the airport to make this happen.
4. if we miss the connecting flight, our luggage situation is possibly fucked.  who knows if it will be waiting for us when we finally get to the bahamas.

on top of all of this is the huge question mark of our notoriously cranky youngest boy.  yes, the same boy who likes to shit in the bathtub, throw 85 fits a day, color on the kitchen table, and generally act like a menace.  we have no idea how he's going to do.

reasons why the vacation will be awesome

1. because it will be.  the power of positive thinking, cousin.

the 2nd one is funny cause it's true

 

does barry manilow know you raid his wardrobe?

a beloved fictional character in 2010 (stolen from cracked.com)