i can't believe i forgot to share this tale with anyone. i think it's because it happened before a workout and by the time i was done sweating, i had forgotten about it.
last week i was on the shitter at the gym and this obnoxious fucker in the stall next to me was talking on his phone. it was the usual corporate speak bullshit that i can't stand anyway, so i was annoyed on two counts immediately.
"yeah guy, if we leverage the technology and get to full bright, it's a win-win at the end of the day. (pause) yep, net net we're looking at $5 a unit. (pause) no, no, that's all baked in".
and so on for a few minutes.
i had reached a point in my process where i needed to rip, really loudly. i could feel everything bubbling forth and decided to give it some extra UMPH for this dickbag's sake.
i held my breath and pushed as hard as i could, which resulted in a mighty RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.....SPLASH.
silence over the shitter wall. then,
"no it wasn't. (pause) yes, i'm in the bathroom. (pause) at the gym. (pause) the...what?...bathroom at the gym. (pause) i know".
since he was still talking, i fired a second volley, with more firepower than the first. a triumphant CRAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKK reverberated throughout the room.
"ok, ok, just hang on. (pause) well this was the first free time i've had".
then from me, BOOOOOM CRASH BANG.
long silence this time from him. then, "fuck it, i'll call you back".
i was literally biting my lip and the insides of my cheek to keep from laughing. thankfully i finished before he did and got out of there before he could scope out his tormentor.
DON'T TALK ON YOUR CELL PHONE IN THE TOILET! YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT! IT CAN WAIT!
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