i live in an area that tries too hard. frisco and plano texas are smallish suburbs of dallas that go out of their way to show everyone how precious and classy they are. oh look, we all have so much money and we all drive hummers and tip our maids to teach our kids spanish. we're just like any other big sophisticated city, except that we're totally not.
this entry could be 10,000 words long if i had the energy to get into it, so i'll just stick with one facet that bugs the ever loving horsefuck out of me: the naming of retail/restaurant establishments.
you can get a pretty good idea of whether or not a store is expensive based on the name. if you're walking into a store and you don't already know where they fall on the inexpensive to ridiculously overpriced spectrum, here are some dead giveaways that are far too common in my neck of the woods.
(1) the word "at" or "on" in the title of the area. the shops at legacy (legacy is a street). the house of cocksuckery on lakeside (lakeside is not a street or this would actually be ok).
(2) spelling "center" like this - centre. faggoty euro spelling doesn't make it any better, it probably just makes it more expensive. and more likely that greater than two douchebags will be inside at any given moment.
(3) spelling "shops" like this - shoppes. the shoppes at buttfucker plaza. frisco and plano stay-at-home moms with obscenely big fake tits love to spend time at the shoppes after hitting the gym and getting a massage/mani/pedi
i estimate that each of those three things adds 20% to the price of any given item inside vs. what it is actually worth. and in my area, all the parents of gannon, preston, and grayson will gladly pay the inflated price and brag about it to their friends over some fruity fucking mixed drink that is poured into a martini glass and thus incorrectly called a martini.
so if you're trying to buy a $20 molded rubber vagina from the fucktoys shoppe at vista views centre, just know that it will cost $32.
You're SO profanely foul and crude, yet I still laugh aloud and am amazed at your humor!!!
Posted by: Beth | March 03, 2009 at 08:24 AM
I thought of you when I was in Spring and drove by the "Centre at Louetta Road" (with an accent over the second e in Centre). Texas!
Posted by: hannah | March 20, 2009 at 03:08 PM