i need to kill some goddamn rabbits. like at least a hundred of them.
our neighborhood has always had a lot of rabbits running around. for the most part they didn't bother me for the first six years we lived there. the only thing i wasn't crazy about was when they'd get under our back deck and drive our dog nuts. but i could live with that since the dog was already nuts anyway.
but now it's fucking war, rabbits. you have been put on notice.
first, these fucking grubby little bastards eat large patches of dead grass. like all the way down to the dirt. that is going to take forever to grow back when spring comes. my yard will be a mangy mess. while they're busy eating crop circles into my yard, they shit their little pellets. it's kind of weird actually because the shit is always in the same area as the missing grass. it's as though they eat, digest, and shit all at the same time.
second, my dog sometimes eats the rabbit shit. now rabbit shit isn't supposed to be so bad because they don't actually get all the nutrients out of food the first time around, so their shit isn't all waste. rabbits eat their own shit as a way to get the nutrients they missed the first time. but sometimes it makes my dog sick. there is nothing fun about staying up all night with a sick dog.
third, and most egregiously, the cocksuckers have decided to eat an entire row of bushes in my front yard. they ignored said bushes for the last six years. why they've declared war on my landscaping now is beyond me. maybe it's some sort of initiation dare into the cool rabbits club. "hey, go eat that angry dude's bushes and we'll let you hang out down in the cool rabbit hole". i'm pretty sure that they've eaten enough of the bushes that they've effectively killed them. i'll know for sure when spring comes around and they don't sprout new leaves.
either way, they're going fucking down. i need to know the best way to kill rabbits. and as i think about it, i don't just want to kill them, i want to torture them. maybe cut off their ears and dance to stealers wheel a little bit. i want to gut them and make furry houseshoes out of their corpses. they're not fucking cute, they're a fucking plague and now it's personal bunnies. i will gouge out your bunny eyes and skull fuck you.
the hammer is coming down on you, rabbits. be warned.
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