i was mean to my little sister growing up. i teased, taunted, and mentally abused her to no end, mainly because i was a bastard. she is three years younger than me, so we didn't really physically fight the way i fought with my older sister, who routinely whipped the shit out of me, but that isn't to say that i never hurt her physically. she probably received her share of light smacks on the head or other mild attacks. i'm sure she would tell you that nothing i did was mild and that she assumed i would become a domestic abuser if i ever tricked a girl into marrying me.
as a matter of fact, just to demonstrate the depths of my bastardity, i have a little quiz for you. which of the following did i never do to my younger sister:
(a) made her gallop through a room while i attempted to rope her around the neck with the vacuum cleaner extension hose
(b) encouraged her to drink a glass of milk that had been sitting on top of a warm tv for six or eight hours
(c) played a game whereby she was blindfolded and lead around the house barefoot, only to have lead her through a plate of spaghetti that was placed on the floor
(d) convince her that i was being pulled down the bathtub drain, to the point of her hysterical crying and trying to pull me out.
trick question of course, as i did all those things.
the hose game was fun for about ten minutes until one of my cattle rustling moves got a bit too aggressive. she'd come out of the "chute" like a fucking bronc and i'd throw that hose at her head. yes, it really was as bad as it sounds and it's a wonder she wasn't paralyzed.
the milk thing was one of about three times that i got her to eat or drink something that resulted in her vomitting. again, fun for me, not so much for her.
in all fairness, (c) & (d) were probably the brainchildren of my older sister, who had done the same things to me. another one was convincing her to eat play-doh and then telling her it was toxic and she had half an hour to live. my older sister got me really good with that one since my parents were gone and she held out the entire half hour before granting me a stay of execution.
sidenote: if my kid(s) ever put a fucking plate of spaghetti on the ground and walk through it, there will be Serious Ass Thrashings handed out that day. i can't even imagine how my mom dealt with the three of us.
i think some of my meanness to her was the byproduct of wanting a brother to roughhouse with. my sister is not a tomboy at all and thus most instances of treating her like a brother did not end well.
for all of those things, jessica, i am sorry.
so anyway, my little sister and her babydaddy had a daughter on sept. 13.
shit dude. the same little sister that i convinced that i could go down into a creek and be magically transported to a land where all the candy in the world was free (i think it was called "golden palace" - jessica, correct me here), now has a baby of her own.
here is a picture of my older sister's daughter, my son, and new little baby elliot.
congratulations, jess & jeff.
when those three are together, don't cook spaghetti.
love,
mark