my friend zack and i are going to open a porn store that will be called "Ye Olde Fuck Shoppe". see, cause it will be classy like that.
hot british women will work the register and they'll say things like "jolly good afternoon then. would you fancy a tug on your john thomas?"
"the fuck shop" by 2 live crew will play every time the door opens.
at night we're going to pull all the porn into the back room, throw up a dj booth and a disco ball, set up a temporary bar, and open up the "fuck shoppe after dark". it will most certainly have david silver as the dj.
i think that would go over well here in the buckle of the bible belt.
completely unrelated, when planning this out, i somehow remembered this term i invented in high school for a particular type of girl. this girl is hot enough where you want to sleep with her, but she's also so annoying and/or bitchy that you want to punch her in the face while you're doing it. the term i came up with is "big potato girl".
allow me to explain. when i was a kid playing tag or pretty much any game where someone was "it", we'd utilize eeney meeney miney mo to determine who "it" was. and there were two ways to go about it; you'd either put each of your fists in the circle (little potatoes) or clasp both your hands together , making one big fist (a big potato), which went faster because there was only one fist per player rather than two.
so the idea was that with these bitchy, hot girls, you'd want to bang them doggy style and then, at the exact moment of male completion, lift your one big potato over your head and BASH it down hard on their back, thus teaching them about respect and that it was important to stop being a bitch.
a good celebrity example would be britney spears.
before anyone gets all worked up, it was completely a joke. i've never hit a girl other than my older sister (who used to whip my ass, sometimes twice a day when we were home during the summer) and i certainly don't condone violence against women. but everyone has known a girl like this in their life. the kind that you simply can't stand, and would just as soon karate chop in the throat as talk to, but because you're a male, with male hormones, you'd still lay the pipe.
think back boys. i guarantee you've run across a big potato girl in your day. maybe you slept with her, maybe you didn't, but i know you can think of one.
I think I've decided to quit work and just work the counter when we do this. That will make for a nice day of work.
Posted by: zack | April 27, 2005 at 03:22 PM
But you're not a hot british chick are you? Hmmm....I always knew you were hiding something!!
Posted by: jessica | April 28, 2005 at 10:19 AM
No. And I won't tug anyone's john thomas for that matter. But Mark and I will have to work there some in the interest of keeping expenses down - and make sure the girls are earning their money.
Posted by: zack | May 06, 2005 at 01:31 PM
Well hell, can I work there too?
Posted by: jessica | May 06, 2005 at 02:02 PM
Of course. How are you with john thomases? There's always room for skilled handlers. I'm assuming that "Jessica" is Mark's sister. That will provide me some entertainment....telling Mark that his little sister is running around there somewhere and winking at him.
Posted by: zack | May 18, 2005 at 07:50 PM