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March 01, 2005



this had me rolling. i was practically crying as i read through your entry. what makes it even more funny to me is that we used to have a patron frequent arby's that we nicknamed the "shit bandit." he would occasionally come in, incognito, and leave a steaming present in the urinal of the men's restroom.

we never caught him...until now...


this is the best thing i have read online this whole week...i can't believe you waited almost a whole year to share!


i thought you would get a kick out of this wealth of information:



sorry for the multiple comments, dawg...but here's another relevant link. it could help break the ice with any onlookers if this ever happens again:



Oh holy shit this was funny. Funnier because I live not far from you and know the community of which you speak. I think I saw your picture nailed to a tree last year. "Wanted for Questioning in an Inappropriate Fecal Deposit."


Sorry, I had to laugh at this story. I think anyone that runs for fitness has had to hide behind a tree or shrub to take a dump because they were too far from home. I'm sure those bushes appreciated the extra fertilizer!


Aww...reminds me of a similar incident in college.

Some friends and I made the hour journey from Greencastle, IN to the big city of Indianapolis for some real cocktails. "The bar" in Greencastle (okay there were two, but one was a townie bar) didn't make Long Island Iced Teas. So we drove an hour to go to a TGIF's. (Hey it's Indiana...spare me the snide asides.)

We drove back to campus inebriated and stayed awake till the sun came up, drinking in the driver's fraternity room. (Wine by that point. We were young and had no sense at all...as evidenced also by driving an hour drunk on Indiana back roads.) At this point, my friend Sally and I decided it was time to walk back to our sorority house.

Along the way of the five minute walk, she and I both realized that nature was making a demand. In our case, thankfully, it was No. 1. So we decided to hide behind the huge oak trees on the lawn of S&M (the Science and Math Building) in spite of the dawning sky.

As we let nature flow, it occurred to me: "Hey Sal, what would you do if a car drove by right now?". And at that exact moment, a car pulled up on the street and stopped. It was a police officer. We hiked up our jeans and approached him as he was beckoning us from the street. He gave us a warning, and suggested we get our silly asses home.

As he drove away, I turned to Sally and said "oh my God...I almost couldn't stop the flow when I pulled my jeans up!" To which Sally replied "Don't even look at me...", at which my eyes naturally went straight to her zipper area. She had a wet spot the size and shape of TX on her jeans. At that point she turned and ran towards home. I ran after her, laughing so hard I almost wet myself.

And as we ran past the Lambda Chi house, next door to S&M, we received a rousing group cheer from five guys on their balcony.

You can use these cautionary tales to teach Keaton many important lessons. Too much sugar on top of Mexican is not prudent, even on your birthday. Don't go to college in an IN farm town. Don't drink and drive. Don't mix your liquors. Don't pee your pants in front of a cop...even if he doesn't notice, your friends may write about it one day on the internet.

But above all, please teach the boy the importance of always scouting out the periphery for witnesses. Including office workers, cops and fraternity boys.

ps Hi droogie! Happy birthday...hope your bowels are kinder to you this year. :)

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